October 26, 2011

Day 15

Day 15
Well, it has been another mixed bag of successes for Sam today. We've been hanging out at Levine Children's Hospital for two weeks now. We began the day by celebrating another full 24 hours of not being paced and being in a healthy sinus rhythm. Travis took the morning shift and got to hear rounds. They told us again the timeline for Sam if he maintained a good pulse. 48 hrs without being paced and the wires could come out, then 24 more hours of observation and then going home. We would even be able to skip going to the progressive floor and could be discharged from the ICU.
When Travis reported all this back to me, I just couldn't get excited. Not yet. I kept thinking...tell me all this again tomorrow morning and I will get excited with you. For today, I am remaining a hardcore skeptic.
I don't know if I am short changing Samuel by not getting excited and not allowing myself to hope that the end is in sight. I hope I don't give off that vibe to him in some crazy mojo-esque kind of way. I don't really believe in that kind of thing. I am just doing what I have to do to remain sane at this point. So, for me, sanity looks like me shrugging my shoulders at just 24 hours of good rhythm.
I came to tag out with Travis around 2 o'clock...and here's where I begin to doubt my whole vibe/mojo theory. Not 10 minutes after I arrived, Samuel's heart rate began to jump around and then eventually settled into the same slow rhythm we saw yesterday morning. As of 10 o'clock tonight, it has remained in this crazy slow beat. He's gotten into a deep sleep and even dropped down to 59. That makes me so nervous, but for whatever reason, he is able to tolerate it. At least, for now. They are checking his vitals and blood work every so often to make sure he is still circulating adequately, and so far, his vitals look exactly the same as they do when his heart rate is twice what it is right now. (Still don't understand this...)
I know that we have to make it through this kind of episode if we have any hope of making it out of here without a pacemaker, but man, it sure does a number on MY blood pressure.
My brain knows that nothing I do or don't do has any effect on what Sam's electrical system chooses to do on any given day. But...I promise to pull out my pom-poms and shout it from the roof tps the next time we make it a full 24 hours.
I promise.

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