December 4, 2009

Vaccines (and I'm going to talk about baby diarrhea, just FYI)

At the beginning of November, we took Luke into get his 2 month vaccines. And I do mean "we." I made Travis come with cause I knew I was going to have a hard time with all the shots. I don't mind getting shots myself, I'm not squeamish about giving blood, nor do I have trouble with most things medically related. (If I did, giving birth and the subsequent drama was enough to cure me from all phobias. I've never been stuck, prodded, or poked as much as I was that 24 hour period.) Back when I wanted to be a doctor in high school, I even spent the day following an orthopedic surgeon around and watched him amputate a foot. That's right. A foot.
My point is, I'm tough. But watching my sweet baby get stuck twice?! That was too much to handle alone.

The shots ended up not being a big deal. He cried while it happened, but I was able to nurse him right after, and it was like he forgot all about it. We went home and he slept a good portion of the day, which was unusual for him. About 9 that night, which was about 12 hours from his appointment, he had a massive diaper that was really loose. After that, he perked up and went back to his normal routine. But the bad diapers persisted. After about 4 days, I decided to call the doctor and just make sure it was a side effect from the vaccines. The nurse said it probably was something else if it kept going on, and to come in if it lasted for more than a week. Luke was fine and for the most part everything else was normal. However, by the next week, he started to get more fussy and the diarrhea kept happening, so we went in. He checked out totally normal, but the doctor said the rotavirus vaccine may have gotten his stomach out of whack and it just needed a little help to get balanced back out. So, we started adding some probiotics twice a day. We did that for another week with no difference, and we were starting to get green diapers. After checking with the doctor again, she counseled us to continue with the probiotics and for me to cut out diary from my diet.

For anyone who knows me, diary is an important part of my life. I don't eat a lot of meat and I have a great love for cheese. It wasn't hard to stop eating it at first, or so I thought. And then I started paying attention to the labels of things...Milk or "Milk Ingredients" are in EVERYTHING. I thought I'd been diary-free for like 2 days before I realized I was still eating it. After I legitimately gave up all milk, it was much harder. It also coincided with Thanksgiving. And that sucked. No butter on the roll, no mashed potatoes, no dressing, no PIE, no to a lot of things. Yeah, it was hard, and it didn't seem to be making any difference. The bad diapers were persisting, but Luke seemed a lot less fussy, so I kept it up.

Two days ago, we FINALLY had a normal diaper, almost a whole month after the vaccine. I can now start adding diary back in slowly, THANK GOD.

It wasn't a fun month for Luke or I. But now here's my dilemma: We will be going back for his 4 month check-up at the beginning of January and I am pretty sure we are scheduled to take the 2nd dose of the Rotavirus vaccine. But after all we went through with the first one, I'm thinking about asking to not take it. I haven't talked to his doctor about this yet, so I don't even know if it will matter. His stomach may have developed enough that it won't even be an issue, I don't know. I am definitely on the side of giving vaccines to my kids as opposed to not giving them. But the Rotavirus is a little different, don't you think? It's not like a Polio or Hepititus vaccine. It's just to prevent a disease that causes excessive diarrhea in them as babies, and well....a month long case of diarrhea seems pretty excessive.

So, what do you think? Should we continue to get the Rotavirus vaccine? Have you had any experiences with it and bad side effects?

December 2, 2009

November recap

November has passed by in a blur, just another month that vanished before my eyes. We were pretty busy with birthdays, picnics at the lake, and Thanksgiving travel. All of which would be a good enough excuse for why I haven't written much, but if I'm completely honest, the real culprit is FarmVille.
The kids in our youth group started talking about it and I decided to see what it was...and poof! I got addicted, and any time I had on the computer went straight to plowing and harvesting and trying to figure out how to make my farm look as impressive as all my neighbors.
But here's some photographic evidence that we did have a good November.
We took the kid and the dog to Latta Plantation for a picnic lunch and short hike at the beginning of the month when the weather was still nice.
Then later, we took our first plane trip with Luke when we visited Travis' parents in Salt Lake City. I was a nervous wreck the entire week before we left. I kept imagining these awful scenarios where he screamed the whole 4 hour plane trip and how people in the adjacent rows started throwing their peanuts at us. In actuality, he was a great traveler and we had no more than 5 minutes of fussiness on all 4 flights, except for the very last 10 minutes of the last flight, when we got stuck on the tarmac at Charlotte Douglas...and really, I couldn't blame him. He'd held up his part of the bargain, and it wasn't fair to get stuck on the plane those last 10 minutes.
I cooked a turkey for Travis' mom using the foolproof* Alton Brown recipe that I swear by.

Luke apparently has developed my slightly shy/anti-social behavior and when confronted with an overwhelming amount of people, he just took a nap. I sometimes wish it were socially acceptible for me to do the same. (And I swear I didn't wear this sweater every day in November)

*Foolproof so long as you check the temperature accurately. I apparently did not, cause it was still a little undone in places. Oh, well. The first two times I used this recipe, it was perfect, so this was definitely a user error and not anything to do with the recipe. The cooked parts tasted good!

November 17, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me!

For the last 5 or 6 years, I've been taking a picture of myself on my birthday and posting it on my old blog. It's fun to look back and see how I've changed in the past year. This year is probably the biggest change...I seem to have developed a growth :)

The top picture isn't from my actual birthday, but I looked so tired on my actual birthday(the bottom picture), that I requested a do-over.

October 27, 2009


Sometimes I forget just how big our dog, Henry, is. To me, he's just Henry.

 And after Luke's crazy feeding frenzy/growth spurt last week, I keep thinking about how big he is getting. We go to the doctor next week, so we'll see what he's weighing in at these days. But until then, I guess it's good to keep things in perspective...

Henry is BIG and Luke is small.

October 22, 2009

We've Kept Him Alive 7 Weeks!

Things I've learned in the last 7 weeks:
  • Babies make a lot of noise when they sleep...if they ever sleep
  • I couldn't ever have a baby without my wonderful husband tag-teaming it with me
  • It's possible to spend an entire 3AM feeding convincing yourself that said wonderful husband is mean and vindictive, when in truth, he's just asleep and doesn't have the necessary equipment to handle the job
  • It is indeed possible to spend an entire day in one chair
  • Baby smiles make up for bad diapers, extra laundry, sleepless nights (and days..), and sore boobs
  • There is a direct correlation between how much personality I have and how much sleep I've had
  • That if you don't put the diaper on tight enough, you can end up with a lot more laundry...his clothes, my clothes, blankets, changing table pad, and the boppy pillow cover
  • Babies don't like being put down. At all. For weeks.
  • That I would feel incessently compelled to check to make sure Luke was alive multiple times during the night for the first few weeks, and still occasionally feel the need to make sure he is breathing
  • Breastfeeding is really as hard/frustrating as people say it is
  • It's possible to go to the bathroom (and wash your hands) while still holding a sleeping newborn on your chest
  • That after all the work we did in getting the nursery ready, we barely spent any time in there in the last 7 weeks
  • Babies do come with a least if they are born in a CMC hospital
  • Dads have the ability to put together a completely unmatched outfit and still expect you to go out in public with your baby dressed that way
  • Despite the fact that Luke's clothes are a tenth the size of ours, my dirty laundry pile has increased 10 fold
  • You can eat, type, and do all sorts of things one-handed
  • I have the desire to punch people for touching my son without my permission
  • That I'd get incredible sick of hearing people tell me to "sleep when he sleeps"
  • It's hard to leave the house now
  • TV shows on DVD are a new parent's best friend. We covered all seasons of Mad Men, The Office, and Battlestar Galactica (well, Travis did, at least)
  • It really does get better and begins to feel like maybe it might be worth it all :)

October 11, 2009

The Lost Month of September

Since October is a third of the way over, I guess it's probably too late to write a post about how the month of September just flew by. It's probably a safe assumption that I'm going to feel a very similar way about October. It may be safe to assume that's how I'm going to feel about the rest of 2009, actually.
In the 5 and 1/2 weeks since Luke was born, I have spent the majority of my days hanging out in our living room with Luke in some capacity or another. We set up our nifty Pack-n-Play with the bassinet and changing table attachments in the corner, so it's kind of like baby central. (If that thing had one of those water bottle attachments like you use with hamster cages, Luke might have never needed to get out of it. It's like the MacGuyver of Pack-N-Plays.) Up until this weekend, we'd been sleeping on the couch in shifts, so that we could easily access Luke during the night. Now that Luke is a mature 5 weeks old, and we finally had a weekend without any plans that might get messed up if neither one of us slept for 24 hours, we decided to try the whole crib/monitor combo. It's worked pretty well, so far.

While it's still nerve-wracking to put him down, flip the switch, and walk away, it is getting easier. For those first few weeks, we were still figuring Luke out. I really had no idea about how noisy a newborn could be while sleeping. The kid grunts and squeeks all night long.
And at first, I would pop up off the couch at the slightest sound, but over the last few weeks, we've been figuring this kid out. It got to the point where Travis was sleeping soundly on the couch during the night, so it kind of defeated the purpose of going out there. I never slept well on the couch, so it's been a relief to get back to our bed this weekend.
Of course, he still likes to sleep on someone the best.

Travis is really good about taking over during the non-feeding times when he's home from work and kicking me out of the house for an hour here and there. Never have Target and the grocery store been such exoctic locales. We've taken a few outings together with Luke, in what I considered practice runs for when I'd have to do it by myself. In the last month, I've not ventured out much on my own with Luke, beyond taking him to appointments and a few fast visits to church. The first couple of times I went out without Travis, I was a nervous wreck. I had to pysch myself up for at least an hour before hand, even when it was inevitable that I go to something like the doctor's. I just felt like I was leaving the house with an adorable time bomb and I had no idea when, or if, it would go off. And while I am getting to know Luke better and understand and anticipate what he's going to do, I still haven't made it out much. Partly cause I am still nervous, but partly also because it's just a lot more work to leave the house than it is to stay in and watch an entire season of the Gilmore Girls.

However, despite my deep and abiding love for those Gilmore girls, I really need to start getting the hang of leaving the house with an infant in tow. I'm working up towards taking Luke to church in the coming weeks, so I want to feel a little more capable before I have to handle him in front of all those people, who will be watching closely, of that I am 100% sure.
Hopefully, he will sleep soundly through it all. I doubt he'll be the only one in the congregation who does. :)

October 10, 2009

All Hail The Power of the Swing

Due to our extremely generous family, friends, and congregation, we are a well-stocked baby emporium. Before Luke was born, the only money we spent was on re-doing the bedroom and buying the furniture for the nursery. Now that he has been born, we've bought a couple boxes of diapers. That's it. Every single piece of clothing he has was given to us brand new or as a fabulous hand-me-down. I haven't even bought a pacifier or a box of wipes. We've gotten to use the car seat, stroller, pack-n-play, blankets, bathtubs, soap, and diaper bags that were given to us...and still there are at least 3 dozen other gadgets and gizmos in the nursery just waiting for this kid to get old enough to use them.
I've said it many times, but I seriously don't know how people get ready for a baby without being a pastor's wife. We are truly blessed.
With the last of the gift cards, Travis and I made the trek to Babies'r'Us yesterday to buy a swing. Luke is slowly emerging from the newborn stage where he did nothing but sleep and eat. He's spending more time awake, and will hang out contentedly for about 30 minutes at a time now. It's so fun to watch him checking out the world that we brought him into. However, along with the new awake contented time, there is the awake uncontented time. He's learning how to use his lungs and swing those mighty fists around in anger. And as funny as it is to see him voice his displeasure at all the injustice of being a baby who is well-fed, dressed, clean, and the center of the universe for at least two people, it's not so amusing when it stretches past that 20 minute mark. He likes moving and rocking, so we decided it was time to invest in a swing.
It works pretty well.
At least well enough to give me time to use both hands to type!

September 21, 2009

Part 3 of the Birth Story, or How I Almost Died

I've been debating on whether to write about the events that occurred after Luke was born for a couple of weeks now. We were really hesitant to share this part of the story in any public way at first. We never mentioned it on Facebook, nor did we share it en masse with the congregation. I think our reluctance came not from a need for privacy, but from the desire to not freak everyone out when the situation resolved itself rather quickly and I was fine.
However, now that some of the initial zombiness of having a newborn live in your house has worn off and I've had more time to think and gain some perspective on my little medical emergency, I think it may be okay to write about it.

Before I start on Part 3 of this exciting Birth Story, I want to assure you that I am fine. Luke and I were still discharged less than 48 hours after his birth. My 2 week check-up with my Ob/Gyn went well. And beyond the mind-numbing exhaustion of never getting more than 3 hours of sleep at a time, I am physically in great shape and healing fast. I've already lost most of my pregnancy weight and I've worn non-maternity pants 3 days out of the last week. Including jeans that ZIP! and BUTTON!
Okay, now that I've hopefully waylaid any potential fears about my health, I'm just going to go ahead and be dramatic, cause there are hopefully going to very few times in my life that I get to say this...But about an hour after delivery, I almost died. Luckily, I was so out of it that I didn't have to deal with the panic of that reality until a couple of days later. When, unluckily, I was pumped full of outrageous hormones that made me cry. A lot. All the time. It was fun for everyone.

Now, however, I am feeling better and have lost about 5 pounds of extra hormones, so it's not so hard to revisit those scary hours anymore. So, here we go...

After Luke was born, and they had taken him to get cleaned up, things progressed normally for me. The placenta was delivered and I got all "repaired" without any complications. They turned off the epidural and took out the Pitocin drip. I was really looking forward to getting a nap and getting to hold Luke again. My mom had managed to make it to Charlotte just about the time of the birth, and we finally got her text messages at this time and rescued her from the waiting room. She came up and got to meet Luke before he went to the nursery for his bath.

The plan was to let my legs wake up, and as soon as I was able to stand long enough to get to the bathroom, we would be moved to the postpartum wing. Luke was doing well and we were planning on keeping him in the room with us as much as possible.

My left leg was having a hard time waking up. Even after the epidural had been off for over an hour, I still had no control over it. So, as I laid around waiting for it to get feeling again, I began noticing that my bleeding was happening in these little gushes.

I knew that there was going to be a lot of blood, even after the delivery. The nurses, obviously, prepare you for it and help you take care of it all. They gave me instructions to let them know if it felt like I was soaking through the pad they had placed under me. With these little gushes, I kept having to tell whatever nurse was coming in about it so she could help change the pad. Eventually, it began to be too many pad changes and the nurses began to worry. My doctor was still with another patient, so they brought the nurse midwife who had delivered me back in to exam me. The top of my uterus felt nice and hard and everything seemed to be completely normal. However, after another few pad changes, they were still worried. So they did another exam and checked my uterus for clots. They did this a couple of times, but everything seemed to be clear. I appeared to be clot-free, and there didn't seem to be any piece of the placenta left behind, or any other "normal" complication.

So, they tried to reassure me and helped me turn on my side so that I could rest. The nurses kept monitoring the bleeding, and eventually my doctor made an appearance to check in. As I rolled over to my back to get more comfortable, I felt a much larger gush of blood. As I looked down, I could see an alarming amount of blood flood onto the bed. And it didn't stop gushing. After this point, my clarity on the time line and events gets a little fuzzy. I know that all of a sudden, my bed was flattened and the room got crowded with people. I was incredibly hot and sweaty. I don't know exactly what all was happening below my neck, but I know I was hyper-focused on getting Travis to wipe my face with a cold cloth.

While I keep calling this whole situation scary, I wasn't really scared at the time. I think I was too out of it to really process the seriousness of what was happening and what could potentially happen if they couldn't figure out why I was bleeding. But I know it was a really scary situation for Travis and my mom. (And also apparently for the rookie nurse that was in the room who didn't know how to put her game face on. Both my mom and Trav noticed her and didn't exactly appreciate her panicky looks.)

And while they had turned my epidural back on and started pumping me full of drugs, all the poking and prodding on my stomach hurt so bad. I didn't have any response except to moan. That's all I could do. Just moan and close my eyes. My blood pressure was dropping like crazy and my heart rate was through the roof. Apparently, my BP got down to 50/30 and my heart rate got up to 160 and stayed way up for many hours. I couldn't see the bleeding anymore, and beyond the ceiling tiles and glimpses of Travis' face every once and a while, I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to see anything, so I wasn't really aware of what all was going on.

They tried a lot of things, but they were still uncertain why I was bleeding when everything seemed to check out ok. I know they used the ultrasound to check my uterus for any tears or placenta pieces, but that didn't turn up anything either. At some point, and honestly, I have no idea when they came to this conclusion or how they did, they seemed to decide that the bottom half of my uterus was not contracting the way it should. My doctor made a point of coming to my side and talking to me about what they were going to try and what the consequences would be if it didn't work. They were going to insert a balloon into my uterus and slowly fill it with liquid until it put enough pressure on the bottom part to stop the bleeding. If that didn't stop the bleeding, we were heading to the OR. I don't remember being scared by this, but I do remember thinking that it was going to be a pain to recover from that and how I was dreading being stuck in a hospital bed for a long time.

I didn't exactly have a lot of perspective at that point in time. Obviously. No thoughts about losing my uterus at 27 or what might happen if you just keep bleeding and bleeding. No panic about leaving my brand new son without a mother. Just focused on the inconvenience of recovering from surgery. Maybe for once, my ever present pessimism wasn't working and my brain didn't even go to the worst case scenario. I wish I could have granted that oblivion to Travis and mom. I'm sure they were way too aware of the seriousness of the situation.

After this point, the story speeds up and loses it's gloominess. The balloon worked like a charm. My bleeding slowed dramatically and within a few hours was back to normal. After having a blood tranfusion later that night, my BP came back up and my heart rate eventually slowed. Within 12 or 14 hours, I was moved to post partum, and 24 hours later I was cleared for take off. The first 24 hours after the crisis were incredibly uncomfortable...lots of failed IV attempts, BP checks every 15-30 minutes all night long, compression booties that made a lot of noise and were hot and uncomfortable, catheters, and my left leg didn't wake up until almost 36 hours after the epidural was turned off. But it was only 24 hours, and I survived.

It was not exactly the post partum experience I was planning for, and unfortunately, there isn't anything from stopping it from happening again. They'll be able to treat it more aggressively and plan better if it happens next time, but there doesn't seem to be any explainable reason for why it happened at all.

But that's it! I bounced back so much faster than I thought I would physically and I finally was able to process all of least as much as I cared to. I don't really want to spend too much time dwelling on the what-if's since we were so blessed to get such a great outcome.

So no more birth stories. But there is this pretty adorable baby who lives with us now who I am sure will provide much fodder for writing.


First days at home

Still haven't gotten a good picture of the dimple, but this kid has my heart.

September 19, 2009

Birthin', Part Two

I spent 9 months thinking about, obsessing about, worrying about, and anxiously awaiting the moment our baby would be born. I read the book the doctor gave me, I read the books my neighbor gave me, I read the books I found at the library, I read the books everyone told me I had to read. And yet, surprisingly, I wasn't quite prepared for what it was going to be like.

(Ok, so that was me being sarcastic. It's been 3 weeks, I can laugh about it now. Almost.)
As I said before, I really wasn't mentally prepared for what unmedicated labor was going to feel like. I'd read about making a birth plan, but in all honesty, I didn't have really strong feelings about how I wanted to give birth. I knew I didn't want narcotics, for various reasons, and I knew I wasn't against having an epidural, but beyond that, I was fairly ambivalent about it. So, when the contractions started to get serious and things with the epidural went haywire, I kept thinking about how I'd failed at this. It wasn't an overwhelming sense of failure, but more of a regret that I hadn't taken it seriously enough. As I sat hunched over that pillow, trying desperately to breath through the contractions while they messed around with the catheters, I just went inside myself. I spent most of the time with my eyes closed, trying to remember to breath, and holding onto Travis' hand for all I was worth. It was a swell way to spend an hour or two.

The epidural did finally take affect and I was more than ready to take a nap. I had slept really badly Monday and Tuesday nights, and after staying up all night Wednesday, I was beyond exhausted. The nurses assured me that it would be a couple of hours and that I should get some rest. About 20 minutes later, I began to shake a little. I knew it was a side-effect of the epidural, and they weren't bad, so I just casually paged the nurse to ask for a blanket...but not to hurry. Also around this time, I noticed that the pressure I had been feeling in my pelvis had moved to my bottom. It was only intermitten at first, but over the course of about 20 minutes, it became constant. It wasn't painful, just weird. Travis had returned at this point and given me a blanket, so I wasn't as concerned that the nurse hadn't come by. However, I began to wonder just what the pressure could mean. At this point, I had to remind myself that I wasn't inconveniencing the nurses by asking them to come into my room. The hospital had a one-to-one ratio for labor and delivery nurses to patients, so it's not like I was prying her away from someone else. So, I pressed the button again, and asked to have her come by. She was apparently unavailable, so another nurse came into to check me. She did a quick exam and laughed. Apparently the pressure I had been feeling...well, that pressure was a baby. She said it was time to push and she went to get my nurse.

It was surreal. After all those months, and after such a long day, the time had finally come. I was so overloaded at this point that I wasn't really emotionally processing any of it. I remember thinking, though, that I had really been looking forward to that nap. Oh, well! It was showtime.

Pushing ended up being a lot easier than I thought it would be. With the epidural, I wasn't feeling the contractions at all, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to push very well. But it wasn't hard, at first. Then I started to shake uncontrollably. The shivering had been fairly light earlier, but it kicked in hardcore about the time I had to push. It was awful. I couldn't believe after all that had gone on that afternoon, that I was still going to be thwarted. My jaw was killing me cause I kept clenching it to deal with the shaking. I even had Travis try to massage it because the pain was so distracting. It zapped all my energy to push.

However, despite the shaking, I was still able to deliver within 30 or 40 minutes. My doctor happened to have another patient who was delivering at the same time, so a midwife that was part of the same practice came in to help deliver. At that point, I really didn't care who down there. I just wanted to stop shaking. After all my worrying about the pain of giving birth, I never expected that the one thing that would wear me down was shaking.

So, with a little coaching and a lot of encouragement, Luke James Norton was born at 5:21 PM. He was and is perfect. All 10 fingers and all 10 toes, cute dimple in his left cheek, and a little Travis-esque face. After all those months of carrying that baby around and then giving birth to him...the kid looks nothing like me. Where's the justice in that? Oh well. If he can't look like me, at least he looks like my favorite person. :)

September 14, 2009

The Birthin' Story, Part One

When I went into my 36 week appointment a couple of weeks ago, I had prepared myself for the news that after she examed me, she'd say everything was on track and that I had 4 more weeks to go. My pregnancy has been so normal and textbook, and I had no reason to expect anything other than that...Even though I was very ready to not be pregnant anymore. That cute little belly bump had gotten very big and hadn't dropped yet. I couldn't breath. I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't wait to meet the baby who'd been lodged under my ribs for months.

So imagine my surprise when I found out that I was already 2cm dilated and 50% effaced. My doctor predicted that the baby was already at 7.5 lbs, and that if he hung out until his due date, I might have a 9 lb baby. *gulp* I knew, and many people reminded me, that I could walk around with those numbers for weeks and it didn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. I was still excited and hopeful that maybe I'd get to be one of the lucky ones who delivers early.

I spent the next week finishing up little (inane, unnecessary) projects that were of utmost importance to my nesting brain and monitoring every little pang and cramp that I felt (or imagined I felt). When my 37 week appointment came around the next Wednesday, I talked myself out of expecting any progress to have been made. And for the most part, everything checked out the exact same. I was 3cm dilated, but everything else measured normal. I was seen by a different doctor than normal, and it felt like his exam was a little...aggressive. He also had the personality of a rock. But as he finished up, he made the bold proclamation that I was definitely going to go early, and he predicted within the next 10 days. I thought he was being cruel to give me such information. I just knew he'd jinxed me into a 42 week pregnancy.

And yet, I still passed along the information to Travis and family. I repacked the hospital bag, took pictures of my belly to see if I could tell if I'd dropped or not, and I anxiously monitored the post-exam cramping I had. Cramping that lasted for at least 6 hrs longer than it had the week before, but still disappointedly came to an end around 5 PM that night. So, I took the dog for a long walk, took a hot shower, and resigned myself to being pregnant forever.

(As an aside, TV has been crappy all summer. I don't remember what we watched last summer, maybe because I worked with teenagers and they had control of the remote, but either way, TV has royally sucked all summer. So, with that disclaimer, I will admit to the following events...) I was watching Crash Course when my water broke later that night. I watched some neurotic couple intentionally flip their car over to see how far they could slide, and it made me laugh. And with that little laugh, I felt a pop and gush and was certain I'd just peed on myself. However, after I realized I had no control over it and that every time I stood up, it kept happening, the butterflies took flight in my stomach. This was it.

Since I wasn't having regular contractions, I knew I was in for a long night. I'd heard many times that once your water breaks, they want you to have the baby within 24 hrs. The doctor made us come into the hospital to get checked out, but I was certain of what had happened. We took our time, packed up our things, got Henry squared away, took a couple of deep breaths, and away we went.

We arrived at the hospital in downtown Charlotte around 11, Wednesday night. Once I'd been admitted and it had been confirmed that my water had indeed broken, I got hooked up to the monitors for a little while. The contractions were almost non-existant, so they sent us to walk the halls for a couple of hours. At this point, it's almost 2AM and we are both exhausted. My contractions started but were inconsistent and weak. So, they gave me an Ambien and told me to sleep. They were going to start the induction at 5:30 if nothing else happened.

I slept hard and before I knew it, they were coming in to start the IV. I'd heard some rough things about Pitocin, but I wasn't having contractions at all at this point and I knew the clock was ticking.

Throughout the morning, my contractions got stronger and closer together, but were still not enough to get things moving. My numbers stayed the same during most of the morning, which was very discouraging. I wasn't comfortable enough to sleep, and I hated being tied down to the IV poll. Around 2, my doctor came back in to check my progress, which was the same it had been. However, she discovered a forebag, which she ruptured, and cranked up the Pitocin again. And after that...whoa, boy. Things got going good. Within the hour, I was begging for the epidural.

(A note about natural childbirth-I'd never made any plans to have a completely natural childbirth. My goal had been to not do narcotics, but to see how long I could make it without getting an epidural. I really hated the idea of being stuck in bed for hours and I was nervous about having the catheter in for a long time. I had a great fear about ripping it out by moving around. After my short time of hard labor, I have a new appreciation for women who can mentally tough out labor without meds. I wasn't mentally or physically prepared for what it was going to be like and I am grateful for having the option to not feel it.)

The epidural, while a wonder in the end, was quite the ordeal to get done. I got to be one of those lucky women whose epidural doesn't work the first time. My left leg went numb, but not my right leg, nor did the pain from the contractions abate at all. So, now I'm stuck in bed and I'm having these hard contractions, all the while, they are trying to fix the epidural. In the end and an hour later, I had a second catheter put in. This one worked.

Finally, after hours, I got a break. I rolled onto my side to take a nap and sent Travis off to get some food. This would be my last hour of calm for days. If only I had known.

To be continued...

August 23, 2009

Dreaming of Jeans

Around 4 AM this morning, as I was laying in bed, trying to will myself back to sleep after getting up to pee for the second time already, I found myself fantasizing about hoodies. And long sleeved t-shirts that are too big but oh so comfy and warm. Wearing my brown leather belt again. Shoes that just easily slip on and off. Shoes that don't leave indentions in my swollen feet. And jeans...jeans that button AND zip up.
I spent a long time thinking about jeans.
I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore.
I want this baby and cold weather to get here fast.
36 weeks
34 weeks versus 36 weeks

August 6, 2009

You and Me

When I went to my first prenatal appointment, they handed me this packet full of information about vitamins, childbirth classes, pediatricians, lists of things to do and time lines to get them done in. I excitedly looked through the packet and then realized it was going to be months before any of it was even applicable. I practically glued the sheet of tips of how to deal with morning sickness to the fridge, and put the rest away in a drawer. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I discovered the packet again, and realized I was kind of behind on everything. Apparently, I was supposed to be doing more than basking in the glory of a lovely second trimester.
I have had such an uneventful pregnancy up until this point, that I have been pretty laid back about most things. I've been having a lot of fun doing the nursery and getting that part done, but I just have been lazy about the rest of it. So, sufficiently ashamed, I dutifully picked up my packet and got on top of things.
I made appointments for the hospital tour, childbirth classes, and interviews with a pediatric clinic nearby. Last Sunday, Travis and I made the trek down into Charlotte to see the hospital where we will be delivering Baby Boy Norton in a few short weeks. Because the OB practice I've been using is a satellite clinic of a large Charlotte practice, we have to drive to downtown Charlotte to the main hospital for the birth.
The tour was pretty much what I expected it to be. It was most helpful just to get practice driving there and learning which door to go into depending on what time you get there. However, there was a moment, when we were standing in one of the labor & delivery rooms, that it all became very real to me. That one day, in the not so distant future anymore, that we will be in one of these rooms under vastly different circumstances. The nurse giving the tour was fielding questions and covering the basics of what happens where and when, while we checked out all the equipment and eyed the flat screen TV. (I'm totally packing every season of Gilmore Girls in the hospital bag to watch to "distract" myself. If I have to suffer, so does Travis.)
While giving her spiel, she made a special point to mention how many non-medical people would be allowed in the room at a time. (If you are curious, it maxes out at four.) And that was the moment for me. When I looked at Travis and realized, it's just going to be you and me doing this. Our parents are too far away, my sisters, my best friends, anyone I'd remotely think about letting in the room, even for a little while...they are all too far away. It's just going to be me and him. I had no grand plans to have a party in there, nor any real inclination to have anyone other than Travis in there to begin with. But still. It was a sobering moment...but in a good way.
You and me. We can do this.

July 19, 2009

Twinkle, Twinkle

When I was a freshman in college, living in the inferno of a dorm that is Knight Hall (meaning, we had no control over the furnace in the winter and no A/C in the summer), my roommate and I worked really hard to make the 12x16 room homey and livable. During Christmas that year, we stumbled upon the idea of putting icicle lights around the walls of our room. It created such a mellow atmosphere and fun look that we left them up for the rest of year, and it was one of our first tasks to put them back up in each subsequent dorm room every fall. I have a real aversion to overhead lighting, and it totally solved the issue for me.
Ever since that time, I've always wanted to recreate the look, but never knew how to do it without making it look like a college dorm room. When we first started re-doing the back bedroom for the nursery, I was stumped about how to do the lighting in there. There is no overhead light fixture, and we've just been using an old floor lamp. I really wanted a soft, mellow look, but I wasn't sure how to do it. During one of my many scouting trips to the IKEA lighting section (yes, I know I am addicted to IKEA), I came across some modern looking twinkle lights. I bought them without knowing exactly how to make them work. But when I brought them home, and explained to Travis just how badly I wanted them in the room, he figured out a genius plan to hang them from the edge of the ceiling.
I love them.
We also got the artwork we found in Wilmington framed and hung. They are digital art from a NC artist named John W. Golden. They are from the Critter series, and I'm seriously thinking about getting another one. He also has a series called By Order of the Management that I also love.
The three-legged table by the window is a thrift store find, and will eventually have some kind of cute tablecloth on it.
The lights only go around half the room. I didn't want to go overboard with them. The pack'n'play is from my awesome college friends/roommates, who threw me a surprise shower during our first annual Girl's Weekend Getaway.
We've been using the bookcase to sort the presents and baby goodies we've been receiving. I still think this bookcase is the best thing we've bought so far. The recliner is from the living room, where we switched it out for the new rocking chair we got from Travis' parents. The rocker is just so comfortable, we couldn't stand leaving it in the back bedroom for the next two months. (But don't worry, Lori, I promise we'll switch them back!) Hanging above the chair, is a picture frame mobile that we plan on filling up with pictures of our families and friends.
All in's my favorite room in the house. I can't wait to put a baby in there!

July 9, 2009

New Camera and Week 30

Our snappy little red camera met with an unfortunate accident at camp two weeks ago. So, in preparation for the baby, we went ahead and bought a new one. It's a lot more high tech than our last one, so we'll see how big the learning curve is. I decided to play around with it in the mirrors this morning, cause it's raining outside and Henry won't get out of bed to be my test subject.

I'm still trying to figure out the camera...I don't mean to look so serious
Guess I should have cleaned the mirror first :)

Both this shirt and these shorts are not maternity...but it makes me feel better that I can still wear them (using the rubber band trick on the shorts, of course)

Look who finally crawled out of bed! I love that this camera has a "pet" setting and I can now take pictures of Henry without green eyes!

June 18, 2009

Week 27 and a Retrospective

Along with the bizarre comparisons of random fruits and vegetables to my baby from babycenter. com (hothouse English cucumber, anyone??), every week of this pregnancy seems to bring something new and bizarre to my life. This past week has given me my eleventy bajillionth cold of the past 7 months. (Travis and I both woke up one morning with sore throats. His remained sore for about 24 hrs. I have spent the last 144 hrs with a sore throat, sinus pressure, and three boxes of tissues...and this cold is till going strong. Men suck.)

The week before that, it was weird brown spots that showed up on the apples of my cheeks despite the 70 SPF sunscreen I dilligently applied every day at the beach. They've faded somewhat in the last few days, but they are definitely still there. I'm afraid they might be permanent. Oh well.

Two weeks ago, the acid reflux started. At least, I'm pretty sure it's acid reflux. I've never had problems with indigestion or reflux, so I was pretty unfamiliar with the vastly unpleasant sensation that was occuring on an hourly basis. But my husband, who is a veteran of the indigestion wars, diagnosed me with acid reflux and bestowed upon me his stock of antacids. They've helped, and I've just tried to be positive about it. At least I know I'm getting enough calcium thanks to my daily supply of Tums!

Then there was the week that I craved a cheeseburger from McDonald's. (Sorry for another parenthesis, but this requires a backstory to get the full understanding of the weirdness of that craving. I am a notoriously picky eater, and somewhere around late elementary school and middle school, I stopped eating burgers. I have never been a big fan of sandwiches, with a few odd exceptions, and McDonald's cheeseburgers were the last to go. I'm pretty sure I haven't eaten one since that time. But all of a sudden, 15 cheeseburger-less years later, nothing sounded better than a cheeseburger from Mickey D's. So I ate one. And it was good. End of story.) I haven't had many weird cravings thus far. There have been times when I really got fixated on having a certain dish or meal, but mostly they weren't atypical or ancedotal cravings.

One of my least favorite weeks of all was the one that started the full-on numbess in my hips every time I laid down for bed. It's gotten better, then worse, then better again. I know it's sciatica related, and I've tried to maintain some of the stretches from the physical therapy, but they don't seem to make much difference. But it seems to be isolated to just laying down now, whereas it was happening when I stood and sat before. So, I'm dealing with it.

But one of my most absolute, favoritest weeks of all was the one when I first started to feel the baby move. I can't believe I've waited so long to write about it, but it has been on my mind for months now. I don't remember exactly which week it was, but it fell exactly in the time range they said it would. It started out as a few nudges while sitting in our living room, watching tv with Travis. I wasn't sure, but when the same sensations repeated themselves the next day and the next...I knew. Just like all the books and websites say, there really aren't words to describe it.
And you know how before, I was struggling to emotionally connect to this pregnancy? How seeing the ultrasounds and hearing the heartbeat just didn't do it for me? Well, feeling this baby move inside me has rocked my world. And now that he's bigger, and I can actually see the little nudges and bumps from the outside, as well as feel them on the's amazing. It brings the term "navel gazing" to a whole new level. I literally will sit and stare at my belly for minutes at a time, just watching him move. It's my new favorite thing. I even took a video of it.
While I know some women hate to have their belly rubbed when they are pregnant, I constantly have the urge to pull the person next to me over and place their hand on my belly when it happens. I don't know how the couple I sat next to in church last Sunday would have felt about it, but I really wanted them to know how awesome it was that my baby felt like he was turning cartwheels while his daddy was preaching. I didn't do it, but I was so tempted.

So, if you are ever sitting next to me, and I get a little smile on my face, you better watch out...

May 24, 2009

There Is A Disclaimer Involved In This One

DISCLAIMER: I am going to talk about boobs. And bras. Just so you know, it's going to come up. I thought it was only fair to warn you.

I was never one of those girls who longed for big boobs and I have no idea what it's like to pine for a bigger chest. In fact, I've never been comfortable with the size chest I do have. I've always felt like they just got in the way and made it harder to buy clothes. I was hit over the head by the puberty fairy in 5th grade, and I was NOT excited about it. I was embarressed by the whole ordeal...boobs and bras, attention from boys, and the fact most of my friends were still years away from it.

But despite my non-love affair with my boobs, I'd come to terms with wearing a bra a long time ago. Bras and I had a rough beginning, but we'd made our peace. Or so I thought.
Then I got pregnant. Based on the discussions I'd had with my sisters and what I'd read, I was already dreading what was going to happen to the size of my chest. I was expecting to gain a cup size or two, and deal with having to buy new bras every few months.

But no one ever warned me that bras would become the bain of my existance. I don't know, though, maybe it's just me. Maybe most pregnant women don't spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing over just how little time they can get away with wearing a bra. Maybe they don't count the hours down until they are safe in the confines of their own homes (or even their cars) where they can shed the torture device that has become a bra.

I think I've had pretty typical results in growth, based on what I've read. Nothing drastic has happened, or anything. But about 2 months ago, it was impossible to make it through the day wearing an underwire. So those were the first to go. I tried sport bras, but they made my neck/shoulders hurt. I then unearthed a rare selection of wireless bras in a larger size. I thought for a while that I had hit jackpot. While they weren't very flattering, they were mostly comfortable.

Lately, however, even the wireless ones are turning traitor. I am quite aware (at least as much as I can be on this side) of what the ravages of breastfeeding and pregnancy can do to my body, and I know rampant bralessness won't help the matter. For now, I'm suffering through the hours I have to be in public as best I can, and living in tank tops with built in bras the rest of the time.

Have any other great suggestions for surviving the next 4 months?! My boobs and I will thank you.

May 10, 2009

May 7, 2009

Furniture and High Fives

After we congratulated ourselves, many times over, on a job well done on painting and chair-railing the nursery, the next step was to find a crib and some basic furniture.

We decided to not get expressly baby-oriented furniture, hoping to make a better investment that way. So this cute dresser from IKEA will double as a changing table.

And with the addition of some fabric boxes from Target, this IKEA bookshelf will hold books, toys, diaper paraphenalia, and all things baby. (Plus, I'd been eyeing this particular kind of bookcase from IKEA for a long time and am glad to found a way to justify the buying of it!)
Lastly, a fairly painless excursion into Babies 'r' us yielded us this sturdy crib. We didn't want to go overboard with the white furniture, and I think this natural wood color looks really good with the green.
Henry thinks it's worthy of a high five.

April 25, 2009

A Room of His Own

Almost done!

The final coat of paint and the chair railing went up yesterday. All that's left is painting the trim and some touch up. I am impressed with this room. It makes me want tackle all sorts of home improvement projects. But...I think I may quit while I am ahead. There is a definite incentive to get this room done and make it look good in a short amount of time. Plus, while I am enjoying the 2nd semester bliss, I know it won't last forever.
We went back to the doctor on Wednesday so that they could finish getting their measurements and confirm the sex for us. While the baby did not cooperate for getting good pictures this time, we were able to find out that it is definitely a boy. Everything else checked out perfectly. Considering my medical background with my feet and such, it's kind of a thrill to have a doctor look at my chart and proclaim me perfect! I'll try to not let it go to my head.

April 19, 2009

Let the preparations begin!

I swear this picture looks like I am sticking my stomach out to make myself look pregnant. In fact, I didn't know why Travis was taking this particular shot. But as you can tell, I look huge and Travis got a kick out of it. I don't think I look this big normally, but the bump is undeniably there.

Fridays are the day that we both have off from work, and usually the most productive for us when it comes to house work. Last weekend, we started cleaning out the back bedroom we had decided to turn into the nursery. It's been mostly a catch-all room. It had a bookcase crammed full of my books, a desk from Travis' old apartment, my desktop computer from college, and a twin bed. The closet was full of empty suitcases and random things we hauled all the way from Montana, only to stuff into a closet.

After going through the closet and drawers, half of it got thrown away, and the rest sorted for Goodwill and garage sales. It took a full day and it seem to barely make a dent.

This Friday, we moved the bookcase to another room, and then put the rest in the garage. Since we were on such a roll and the room was now empty, we went to Lowe's and began the somewhat arduous task of picking out paint colors together. We ended up with two different colors of green, and deciding to add a chair railing.

This is the first home improvement project we've undertaken as a joint effort. So far, things are going pretty good. We got the room primed, and the bottom half done by tonight, so I'm calling it a success.

April 9, 2009

Well, Hello Baby!

This is my favorite of all the ultrasound pictures we had done yesterday. It's a profile picture with his arm and thumb showing.
I'd been anxiously awaiting this ultrasound appointment for what seems like forever. Because my pregnancy has been textbook so far, there was no need to do an early ultrasound, and 16 weeks seems like a long time to wait to see your baby. The minute the tech started moving that wand around and the image became clearer, I was in awe. I know I've said over and over that I don't feel pregnant or I don't believe I'm pregnant...and you'd think after getting to gaze at the various parts of the baby for over 20 minutes, I'd be convinced. But...well, I guess it just seems all too crazy, miraculous to be real. I was laying there, with goo all over my stomach, and startingly clear images of a baby being beamed onto a computer screen and flatscreen TV mounted over my head, and it just all felt don't know. Weird? Normal? Surreal?
Even now, I don't quite have the words to describe it. I don't think it's really hit home yet, even after all this time. I'm not emotionally connected to this baby yet, and while that bothers me a little, I also figure it's pretty normal. I'm still way excited about having a baby, but I guess I just haven't connected that emotion to what's happening to and in my body right now. Yesterday was kind of like being shown a video of what a typical ultrasound looks like...not like they were showing me the actual baby that is growing inside me. I don't know when that concept will kick in, but my guess is that it'll be incredibly cool when it does.
We actually get to go back in two weeks because the baby wasn't totally cooperating and they didn't get all the pictures they wanted. The ones they got looked good and normal, though. We wanted to find out if we were having a boy or a girl, but with it's legs crossed and upside down, it was hard to get a good peek. The tech was pretty certain it is a boy, but we'll try to get it confirmed in a couple of weeks.
So, for now...the biggest question is....Boy Names?? (So much harder than girl names, I'm finding)

April 4, 2009

New Blog

So, when I found out I was pregnant, I initially started a new blog thinking I'd write over there until we decided to share the news with the world. Now, I'm too lazy to meld the two. And maybe it's ok to just have a pregnancy blog and still keep this one for everything else. It's easy to let the pregnancy brain overtake all aspects of my life, but maybe I should keep some boundaries somwhere.
If you'd like to read about all things pregnancy and see (an embarressing amount of) pictures of my slowly expanding belly, check out

Fun with the Collage Function in Picasa

8 weeks, 11 weeks, 14 weeks, and 16 weeks

16 weeks

Friday marked the beginning of the 16th week. For the most part, things have stayed the same in the last few weeks. I'm still feeling good. I'm not so tired anymore, and I haven't had any morning sickness in almost a month.

I've been on Bump Watch for the last week or so because my clothes have started to fit differently. My body has changed shape noticeably in the last two weeks. You can't tell very well from the picture above, but it's like all the weight I used to carry in my love handles has moved to my belly. So, from the front I actually look more narrow, but from the profile, my belly has started to stick out. My normal clothes still fit and I'm hoping that things stay relatively the same for the next few weeks...just long enough to get into warmer weather. I really would like to only have one season's worth of maternity clothes instead of having to straddle two.

I still haven't gained any weight, at least from what my semi-reliable home scale says. I lost a couple of pounds during the first trimester, but have seemed to stay the same for the last 3 weeks or so. I'm going to the doctor next week, so we'll see what their scale says. I'm not really worried about it, since I am sure it will eventually catch up with me. I'm eating normally now, trying not to give into the "I'm pregnant so I can eat any and every thing in sight" syndrome. Since the morning sickness has abated, I just eat when I'm hungry and leave it at that. Travis has been on me about not gaining any weight, but I think it's really because says I could try drinking a milkshake a day in order to help gain weight...he just wants an excuse to have that much ice cream in the house. :)

Looking at the profile pictures from the last couple of months, it's so weird to see my body changing, especially knowing that I haven't gained weight. Normally a belly like the one I have now would have me worried, but instead, I find myself checking it out all the time.

We are going to the doctor on Wednesday for our first ultrasound. We might be able to tell if it's a girl or a boy, but it just depends. Either way, I can't wait to see this baby!

March 23, 2009

Picture Time

We've been taking picture every few weeks, mainly because I can't tell any difference and I actually lost weight during the first 3 months. We'll step it up and do it more regularly once I start showing more. All my clothes still fit normally (alas, except for my bras).

8 Weeks Along

11 Weeks Along (no change that I can tell)
14 Weeks Along (Maybe a little bump?!)

Posted by Picasa

First Trimester

So, I had great intentions to write about this pregnancy from the very beginning. Maybe it's because of my personality, maybe it's because I've had friends go through tragic pregnancies, maybe it's just a totally normal reaction...but I was honestly too scared to push the publish button again after that first time. I had a hard time believing this pregnancy was real and that it was going to be ok. Even when I was so nauseous I couldn't see straight, I was just too nervous to leave a record of it because...what if?

But! I am officially out of my first trimester now. Two weeks ago, we heard the strong, rapid heart beat of our baby, and our doctor said that we'd passed the biggest milestone so far. So, I'm trying my best to be optimistic and stop worrying so much.

I haven't felt nauseous in about two weeks, for which I am supremely thankful. Beyond a few episodes, I never really threw up much. However, the almost constant nausea was maddening. It was so hard to eat, even though I knew it would make it easier. We chose not to tell anyone about the pregnancy until after the first trimester, so I was having to keep quiet about why I was so green all the time. Now that I am feeling better, I forget about being pregnant again.

I've been comparing notes with my sisters and my mom about their pregnancies, and for the most part they had uneventful ones. I'm hoping I get to be as lucky.

We'll have our first ultrasound in April, and I can't wait. I want to see this baby! Maybe then I'll finally believe it. :)

February 10, 2009


When I was a little kid, we moved from the Gulf Coast of Mississippi, to a small town in Tennessee. We moved into a great neighborhood. The kind with big trees that almost met in the middle of the street, a big field in the back to play baseball in, and big yards to play in. There were kids the same age as me and my little brother all over the place. One such kid was Kristin.

I recently found her blog through her facebook page and have been catching up on life since high school. We chatted about Guatemala a few months ago, and I made the mistake of linking my blog...even though I am a total slacker and haven't updated since my birthday...3 months ago.

So, if you are here via Camels & Chocolate, I make no promises to get any better....but all the Guatemala posts (back when I did a better job in writing regularly) are from 2004-2005, tagged Guate. Enjoy!

January 12, 2009


I really don't believe it. I know that all three tests have confirmed it...but I still don't feel pregnant.

It felt like we had been trying for so long without any positive results, but I know that it really just took the typical amount of time. But 6 months of negative test results were wearing on us. I'd already started to feel resentment toward all the pregnant women I ran across at the swim school. I know that many, many women struggle with fertility, and I was just afraid I was going to be one of them.

When I'd filled out another ovulation calender and realized that my ovulation was probably going to happen the week of Christmas, I made the executive decision that we were just not going to worry about it for December. Advent is a busy time for both of us. Plus, we were leaving Christmas Day for a 5 day trip to Utah to spend Christmas with T's very small cabins we would share with 5 other people. So needless to say, Operation Make A Baby was going to run into quite a few obstacles. And it just wasn't worth stressing out over.

So life went back to normal for a month. I made myself intentionally not think about cycles, or taking my temperature in the morning, and I stayed away from all the baby/conceiving websites. We enjoyed Christmas and had a good vacation. We came back and started a new year with very little fanfare. We both headed back to work and got back into our regular schedules.

This weekend, I began making all these resolutions about how I was going to do a better job at the crazy thing that is tracking ovulation. Sunday afternoon, I broke the hiatus on baby websites and was looking at to see if there was any wisdom out there that I didn't know about. As I was sitting there, I realized I couldn't remember when my cycle started in December. I knew when my ovulation time was supposed to be, so I used their ovulation calender tool and worked backwards. When I finally got the date right, I did the math and realized that I was 3 days late. I was surprised but my immediate reaction was not excitement. I'd been down this road before and it was incredibly disappointing. But...I'm NEVER late. And I knew I had a leftover pregnancy test in the cupboard from the last time I'd gotten my hopes up. So, I thought, what the hell, I'll go take it. It'll say negative and then I can go back to planning for next month.

I took the test and then walked away, determined to not look at it for a full 3 minutes...but that never works. I headed back into the bathroom and there they were. Two pink lines. I watched as they slowly got darker. My brain kind of went spastic and my heart started beating fast. T was laying on the couch in the living room, right where I'd left him just a few minutes ago. After all those months of taking pregnancy tests, I never planned the perfect way to tell my husband I was pregnant. I just never got that far in planning. So, when those two pink lines showed up, I stood there looking at the mirror, flabbergasted, and trying to come up with some brilliant line. My brain wasn't working very well, so I gave up trying. I went and grabbed T, dragging him off the sofa, telling him I needed to show him something. Luckily, he's an obliging fellow and followed be into the bedroom, where I just pointed to the test sitting on the counter.

And that's how we found out we were pregnant.


And even though I've take 3 more tests since then, and they all say the same just doesn't feel real. I'm going to the doctor on Wednesday, and maybe after hearing her say it, I'll believe it.