June 6, 2008

Part Two, Etc.

I haven’t written much about my life in the past year. In fact, it’s almost been two years since I regularly took the time to take keyboard to Word in order to sort out the things roaming around in my head.
I have no excuse really. The explanation is simple. I just stopped trying. It took effort and time to sit down and write. And while I have had the inclination to write often, I never could quite make myself do it. Life offers plenty of distractions these days, and it was always easier to just not.
While I have no excuse, I do have plenty of regrets. The past 18 months have been some of the most exciting, surprising, and life-altering months I have ever experienced.
When I was going through my old posts, in order to get myself back into the swing of things, I came across this one. And it makes me laugh.
See, the thing is this. A little more than a year after I posted that entry, I was fully ensconced in the scene I’d described. I am now the co-owner of a nice little house, in a lovely neighborhood that is currently exploding in summer color and sounds. I worry about our mortgage, our water bills, and whether or not I’m ready to have half my DNA running around.
Life is full of the unexpected. It’s a cliché, I know. But there is no other way to describe what has transpired in those ensuing months other than unexpected.

I was sincere at the time I wrote that post, longing for things I wasn’t ready for. It was August of 2006 and I’d been living in Montana for about 6 months. I’d barely made any friends, I worked odd hours, and had kind of a weird half-existence. I was lonely and a twinge homesick for the South. I felt more than a little lost as I entered this new stage in life.

I thought I had myself figured out, though. I knew I had a thing about commitment, and I knew I was always going to fear being tied down and always wanting to leave for bigger and better places. I knew I didn’t trust myself in relationships. And I knew, I just knew, that the one relationship I had spent the better part of college recovering from was going to haunt me for the rest of my days.

It was about this time that Part 1 of this story took place. I signed up for the Match.com thing because I literally had nothing to lose. In Montana, I didn’t have to worry about seeing anyone I knew in my area. There was no embarrassment factor because I didn’t know anyone who lived within a 1000 miles radius of me.

So, I tried it out. My first attempts at winks and email correspondence were awkward and uncomfortable, but I soon got the hang of it. However, as I mentioned before, living in a remote area of a sparsely populated state, I didn’t run across many potential matches in my age/mileage range. But as I expanded my criteria, more people showed up. I emailed with a few for a while, and even met one of them. It didn’t work out. I received plenty of winks and emails from guys, but most of them didn’t even meet my basic criteria.

But…there was one. He had the corniest tag line ever (Sexy Man of God (from the movie Raising Helen)). But his profile was intriguing. Mostly because he was a cute Lutheran pastor, which were three things that I found exciting, but also because he seemed like the first real “match” that I had run across on Match.com.

After a series of hits and misses, and one overactive junk mail filter, we finally got things going. From that moment on, life became a whirlwind.
He was perfect.
His emails made me laugh, they made me think, they challenged me to dig deeper into myself, and more than anything, they made me want to share myself. I knew he was too good to be true, so I kept pushing for things to move faster. First the phone calls, and then the actual meeting face-to-face. I just knew he was going to end up not being as wonderful as my thumping heart kept telling me.
But my skepticism was all misplaced. Talking to him, seeing him, sitting in a meadow with him watching the sun set....it was all better than perfect. It was surreal.
Never in my life have I been so giddy. I'd call my friends to tell them about this guy, and all I could do was laugh and giggle. I had no words. Even after all this time, I'm not sure I can accurately describe what it felt like to fall in love with Travis. He was and is my soul mate.

And now, life is different from August of 2006. I, never in my wildest dreams, knew that all those longings of my heart could have ever been fulfilled in such a short period of time. But they were. And I also never thought I'd be ready for them that quickly. But I was.
While I love my husband, my cute little house, and my great dog, there is a part of me that yearns for that freedom I used to hang onto so tightly. The wanderlust has not died...and honestly, I'm not sure what to do about that just yet.
For now, though, I am here. And this adventure is far from over.

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