November 11, 2006

On Turning 25


Happy Birthday to me!
Last year, I was so unhappy. My foot problems were still mounting. My frustation level was through the roof, and I was stuck at home. There was no hope in sight for me.
This year, I am many things.
I'm exhuasted. I'm excited. I'm living in Montana...eons away from home. I'm frustrated, but not with my feet, for once. I'm someone's girlfriend. I'm stressed out. I'm over-worked and under-paid. I'm cold...it's snowing on my birthday (crazy!). And I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love.
(I know, I know! I've waited too long in between post. Sorry! So much going on!)
BUT! First things first.
A birthday blog:
Today, I turned 25. A quarter of a century. I am so old.
Ok, so not really.
But I'm older than I have ever been before, so that kind of makes it a big deal for me.
It's one of those birthdays where I really don't feel any older on the actual day of, but I think that it will catch up to me eventually.
That will be the day that I freak out.
Honestly, it's not really a significant day in the sense of it affecting my general outlook on life. Life has been so crazy/stressful/surprising/frustrating/amazing lately that my brain has been forced to process things like an actual adult and instead of just someone pretending to be one, so it was just inevitable that this birthday would get here.
I have not been purposefully neglecting this little corner of my brain. Like I said, life has just gotten in the way recently. Work is insane...and I mean that in the fullest sense of the word.
I-N-S-A-N-E. I seem to be working all the time now, and I've never had a job that was so frustrating and exhausting. My schedule has never been ideal, but with over half the employees in my department quitting in the last 2 months, I am now working the shifts of 3 people. If it weren't for my deep sense of obligation to the girls I work with, I would walk away from it all. But I can't.
At least for now, I can't. That may change depending on how tired I get in the coming months. Even with all the camp jobs I've worked, I've never faced such a bad case of burnout. If these people can tear through me, someone who is young and comes to them with experience working long shifts, in 7 months, there is something fundamentally wrong with the position...not the employees. It's not just a fluke that 4 women quit in the last month.
Work is not the only thing keeping my away from the keyboard. Obviously.
My parents came up for a visit at the beginning of October, which was fun...but not really the reason why I've not written. The boyfriend(!!) is probably the biggest culprit, besides the work insanity, for why I haven't written in a while. For one, all of my time went into writing emails instead of blogs. Secondly, he found my blog and I got all self-conscious about writing. Thirdly, my brain turned to mush for a few weeks there in September...and well, probably October, too. I was only capable of laughing....ok, so if I'm honest, it was more like giggling. I completely lacked the ability to articulate what was happening to me. (It was funny and embarassing, and not a time period I needed documented further than it already was.)
Now, however, I've finally stopped giggling, and I'm really settling into the idea of being someone's girlfriend. Of being his girlfriend.
Quite honestly, I love it. It's been the biggest shock of the year. Of my life to date, actually. But I absolutely love it. It's been worth all the extra crazy it's bringing into my life these days.
So...if that's the trade-off for not having the time or brain power to write, then it's not such a bad deal. However, I have missed it and wish I'd done a better job updating in the last few months. I can't promise that it will get better. I'm still doing close to 60 hours of overtime each month, and it's on the schedule that way until January at least.
I had no one to celebrate this birthday with today. But unlike the last two years, I've been ok with that. I had a ton of phone calls today. I had presents to open. And I got hugs from at least 15 teenagers.
It's been a good day.
Here's to it being a good year.

3 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday! And congrats on your recent happiness!

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  2. Victoria!

    First, welcome to your quarter century! I had a couple months of mini-freakouts after my birthday, too. It's ok. They've been less frequent recently . . . :)

    I was so good to get your note. I'm sending all kinds of empathetic energies your way. I added your screename to my IM list, so I'm hoping to catch you soon. We'll talk. I don't know that I have much wisdom, but talking sure helps.

    I got a good grin out of the boyfriend news. Sweet!

    -Amy

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  3. Your boyfriend is a really lucky guy. He is incredibly blessed to have you in his life.

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