May 1, 2004

It's really happening. And I don't think I'm really ready for it. After next Saturday, I won't see these people every day. I won't pass them on the sidewalk and share a secret smile that says..really, we know so much about each other and we are so close that's just a small smile and a wave are enough to brighten this moment..but we'll wait until tonight to talk about our day. There won't be nights spent talking and sharing and bearing each other's burdens. The phone calls will be frequent at first, but then it'll be weeks and then maybe even months in between each call. And we'll talk for hours and catch up...but it won't be the same.

I'm not ready to leave them. I'm not.

We keep saying we won't talk about if we deny reality, it will go away. And I certainly don't want this to become some big crying fest. But at the same time, I want to tell these people how much I love them and how dearly I'm going to miss them. The sound of Jenny's laugh when it reaches that point in the night when she's so tired and relaxed that even that part of Jenny that is sad goes away. The way Alison moves her hands and body when she is telling a story and how she knows every thing about me. The way Carrie looks when she starts laughing, with her eyes all big and shining. The absolutely crazy and hilarious things that come out of Lindsay's mouth. The way that Ariel will always stick up for you. The face Sarah makes when you surprise her with something funny, how her mouth opens and her eyes get big right before she burst out laughing.

Those are the things I'm going to miss. I don't care about classes or all those opportunities I missed or passed up on. I won't remember my GPA or what Dr. Tilford said about piano...but I'm going to remember those moments and those faces that have been so dear to me for all these years.

I'll admit it. I'm sad.