October 26, 2003

Tonight, when I was driving back to my apartment, I came through campus down the main drive. Coming into campus on Giddings at night is one of my favorite views of campus. The circle is lit up and all the buildings look so impressive as the big white columns come into view as you enter campus. As I was driving in tonight, though, I realized that after being here for 3 years, I have been totally indoctrinated to think Georgetown is the most amazing college ever. But it's not. If I were to go to the other side of the country, no one would know that Georgetown College even existed. They would think I went to school in D.C.

Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I am so thankful that I will have gotten to spend 4 years here. I was and am happy with my college choice. But it is totally random that I am here. I didn't know anyone who went here. I don't even know anyone who went to school anywhere near here. And yet, when it came down to decision time, God opened all the doors for me to be here. He provided the desire and the means for me to get here, from scholarships to an amazing group of friends that I've kept since my first week of college.

These days I am stressing about my future. It comes in spurts. This weekend, I was alone a lot without much to do. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and it just overwhelmed me again. Tonight, though, as I was driving through campus, I realized how random it is that I am here. And I realized that the next place God leads me will probably be just as random, but probably just as well-suited. I can spend all the time in the world trying to figure out where I go next, I can stress and fret about it, but in the end...I will probably be totally wrong with all the scenarios I come up with so I shouldn't even spend all this time stressing over it. I just have to trust that when it comes down to the time when I need to know what comes next, God will let me know.

Even as well as I know that in theory, it's still a hard lesson to learn in practice.

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